Recently I had attended the sathabishekam of an old couple.
Incidentally, it was also their 60th marriage year celebration day. When
the marriage took place the groom was just 19 years old and the bride
was 15 years old.
In the evening, I took the time to interact with the old man, to know
his ideas about the role of a husband, in keeping the marriage
productive and successful. Though, some of the things he had mentioned
may not suit the present scenario, but most of his experiences will
certainly help the young married grooms or those who look forward to
marry. I am sharing his ideas in his own words.
Continue to show your affection
I always keep my wife in high esteem and show her my affection. I showed
the same level of warmth over all the years and it did not decline even
once. I had never allowed my personal emotions or stresses to envelop
me while being with her. I took care to draw a line between my personal
problems and my affection towards her.
Never persist to point-out the weaknesses
I believe that all of us have some weakness or other. Some of such
weaknesses can be corrected and some of them will remain with us till
our death. In the past, while I had helped my wife to overcome some of
her weak points, I never had insisted on her becoming 100% perfect. In
fact, while helping her to correct her weaknesses, I had requested her
to assist me to overcome my own weaknesses. This has helped both of us
to understand each others weaknesses. While, we could get rid of some of
our weaknesses, we learned to adjust and live with the others.
Managing difference of opinion
I know it is impossible for a married couple to live without having a
difference of opinion or a fight over about who is right in all their
life. We too had differences of opinions, but the developed
understanding had helped us to manage such occasions without making a
shouting.
During every such differences we took care to listen to the opinion
of the other without passing a judgment and always stopped our
discussion at a point. We allowed our ideas to simmer and surface again
after two days. Invariably, we found that such an attempt always brings
new clarity on the suggested opinions and the best idea was chosen
despite the fact who originated it.
Difference of opinions did creep into our lives too. But we learnt to
manage them without shouting at the other. I never called my wife with
unpalatable names or branded her ideas as negative anytime. Also, we
took care to not to argue on any subject before our children when they
were young. We always took their opinion when they become old.
Do things that are important to her too
From the day one, I took care not to be selfish by doing things that are
important to me by ignoring her. I invariably accompanied her to
whatever place she wanted me to join her. In the process she had learnt
about my preferences and comfort level. This has enabled her to invite
me to only to those places that are comfortable for both of us and not
to all the places. I know her preferences and had never compelled her
into doing things that are not easy for her.
Don’t allow your emotions to initiate a distance between you
I know that some of the couples of our age which includes our relatives
don’t talk for a week or more when they develop difference of opinion or
fight. They will maintain a stoic silence between themselves during the
period. I had seen their chocked and flared-up emotions will always
result in the use of most hurting words when they open up next time. I
had never allowed it to happen between me and my wife. We too had fights
and difference of opinions but they never lasted for more than an hour
or two.
M
aintain your Attraction
I always try to be attractive to her and never allowed my age to
overtake my personal hygiene or dress consciousness. I don’t dress too
conservatively and had never interfered with the dressing preferences of
my wife, because both of us know each others taste.