Saturday, 12 January 2013

Are You Newly Married or About to Marry… Learn to Communicate Better

Most of us think that we have better communication skills when we win over an argument or prove what is right or wrong among our own peers in the office. Some of us will always feel proud, elated and think it as essential to win any argument. If you are single, still unmarried or married very recently, it is time you change the ideas about your remarkable communication skills.

Communication between a married couple is different from that of your communication at the office or with your friends. Proper communication between the couple, is critical to improve the affinity between them and to keep their marriage life enjoyable. A right communication between the couple, will convey mutual understanding, confidence and above all the level of trust between them.

Lend Your Ear:

The basic of any good communication is lending an ear to the other during a conversation. You must do it with undivided attention and without unnecessary interruption. Paying attention to the conversation increases the confidence level of your partner and will prompt him/her to act similarly. Such an activity, while increase the bondage between the couple also helps in sustaining their marriage intact even after many years or for a life time.

Share Your Mind:

It is a fact that everyone will continue to have his/her unexplored and hidden thoughts and ideas for life. Having such thoughts or ideas will not harm any one as long as it is not having a bearing on one’s marriage life. But it is essential to share one’s thoughts, aspirations and dreams about the marriage life with his/her partner . Such sharing improves the confidence levels between them and allows the partners to know the other better.

Never Use Hurting Words

You must remember that people including you are sensitive to uttered words. It is essential to share the words that hurts you and know the words that hurts your life partner. Non-using of such words, even during heated arguments, will allow such arguments to end quickly without resurfacing. Never try to win over your partner, by using those words that hurt her/him.

Manage your Unspoken Communication

While the cordial verbal communication between the couple keeps the marriage intact and enjoyable, proper understanding of the non-verbal communication known as gestures improves their every day life better . You must know, how your facial expression and body language hurts your partner and vice-versa. It is not a difficult art to learn what your partner wants to convey through the eye movement and physical gestures. Also remember gestures such as a tight hug or a confidence increasing appreciative pat plays a major role in improving the silent communication between the partners.

Parents Should Desist Arranging Marriage to Son with Masculine Disability

A marriage, is viewed as an action of law, to encourage intimate social relationship between a female and a male. It is the most significant social institution ever found by the human society. Individuals marry for a range of reasons, which include social, economic, emotional, and religious reasons and above all to fulfill the sexual urge or desire. The reasons are common to both a female and a male. The last reason has the prime importance, because, it ultimately leads to the culmination of the marriage.

While it is easy for the marrying partner to identify and confirm the validity of the social, economic, emotional and religious reasons before the marriage, the issue related to libido of the partner, is often known only after the marriage. The result leads to either consummation of the marriage or divorce with unconsummated marriage as reason. More often, it is the wife who is subjected such mental trauma and very rarely the husband.

The marriage of a woman with a man with masculine disability shatters her marriage dreams. She is subjected to unneeded mental trauma and a societal ignominy for no fault of hers. Unlike a male who opt to go open and claim for a divorce wasting no time, she suffers mentally for months before opening up with her problem. In a country, where discussing sex in open is still considered a taboo, she often finds it difficult to open it up, even with her own parents. The stigma attached to dishonoring of male pride, troubles her a lot her before she decides to open up.

The problem becomes more complicated, if she is from a poor family and married to a rich groom. The matter is more often get suppressed from surfacing. Ultimately the unfortunate woman ends up becoming irritable, downhearted and gloomy.

Mrs.Meera Nagarajan, the CEO and Executive Director of KM Matrimony, with a deep understanding of the problem has suggested for an effective role by the parents of a man with masculine disability. She requested them to understand the problems faced by a girl who undergoes such a marriage. She suggested the parents to seek the opinion of a competent doctor before taking a decision to marry their son to someone.

Request to Widower, Widow, Divorcee to Propose Similar Alliance Seekers

The outlook of the Indian society, especially towards the widowed or divorced marriages, has changed for the better. While, the divorced and widowed men never had problems in their remarriage, the remarriage of widowed and divorced women, still remain a daunting task. It is an irony that the society is taking a blind look, at the growing instances of divorced or widowed men marrying never married women. The reverse, i.e., a widowed or divorced woman marrying a never married man, though very rare, is always looked upon as unethical.

As pointed out by Mrs.Meera Nagarajan, the CEO and Executive Director of KM Matrimony, in her speech, at an organized event of Kalyanamalai, more number of divorced or widowed men in the society, continue to seek only a never married woman as life partner. She explained, how the same men continue to have reservations, in allowing the marriage of their unmarried sister or daughter to a divorced or widowed male. She has suggested for a change in the mindset of such males and requested them to marry, only a widowed or divorced woman. Her thought-provoking remarks has certainly evoked a good response from the participants at the meet.

It is an undeniable fact that a male who marries for the second time, will not have the same level of thrill or spark he had in his first marriage. It is applicable to a divorced or widowed woman too. If a never married woman marries a divorced or widowed male, she will miss the very charm of the marriage, when she finds the diminished level of participation from her partner. Only in the rarest or rare cases of such marriages the spark is found intact, to make the woman happy and contented.

In some of the cases, the remnants of their past marriage haunts such men and make them lose their cool. It becomes a chronic problem for them to hold their emotions, when they find their new partner, unknowingly attempts anything did by their divorced or dead wife. it takes the divorced a good amount of time to come out of their past marriage or severe the ties.

While the first time married couple can afford to have an exclusive family life of their own, it goes sorely missing, when a divorced or widowed male marries a never married woman. While for such woman, the marriage and the family remains an exclusive affair, it is no more exclusive for the male who has already tasted it.

The parents or relatives have a role in arranging marriages should desist from giving their consent for a marriage between a divorced or a widowed male with a never married woman. They must use their wise counsel to prevent such marriages.

It is always advisable for a widowed or divorced man to marry another widowed or divorced woman. Both of them must learn to bury their past unresolved problems with their diseased or divorced wife or husband and start their life afresh. They must quickly learn, the art of communicating or loving their partner in a neutral way that is acceptable for both. They must learn to go all the way to satisfy the need of their partner.
They must learn to realise that it is only their faith on the other, uninhibited communication, effective steps to bury their past, self-examination of their past mistakes to stop repeating them will make their marriage gratifying and long lasting.

Thursday, 3 January 2013

Parents Matching the Horoscopes Jointly with a Single Astrologer Enables Quick Fixing of a Marriage

In the recently held Kalyanamalai SUN TV shooting program, Mrs.Meera Nagarajan the CEO and Executive Director of KM Matrimony, expressed her anguish, on giving more importance to matching of horoscopes, in the fixing of marriages. She explained how such an act robs the early marriage chances for many young marriage aspirants. She requested the parents to have the horoscopes matched with a single astrologer to avoid confusion on the matching of horoscopes.

India, a country blessed with one of the oldest civilizations, has introduced or inherited, a number of human life cycle related sciences that are not in practice or known to the western civilization. Jothisham, a branch of astronomical science, is one such unique discipline. It is, to a great extent, used to predict the future life cycle of an individual, by the astrologers. The exact birth time of the individual, is noted to determine the positions of various grahams in his/her horoscope chart. Based on the positions, the life cycle predictions are made. It is stressed that accurate predictions are possible only when the exact birth time of an individual is obtained. It is a known fact that even a single second variation will impact the horoscope predictions.

The horoscope matching has got a close relationship with child marriages in India. When a school going boy and a small girl were subjected to undergo a marriage during earlier times the horoscope matching was considered essential. The matching gave the parents an idea about the future, social status, wealth conditions and above all longevity of the boy to perform the marriage. The natal charts or jadakams were used for the matching purposes.

The child marriages are banned in India and legally marriageable age for a woman is raised to 18 and a man to 21. Now, most of the present day women marry beyond 22 years and men beyond 25 years. The young men who set to marry are well educated, employed and almost settled in life. In such a situation the meticulous matching of horoscopes by both the parents before the conducting of the marriage can be termed as a superfluous exercise.

It is also an undeniable fact the metropolitan brought up, education and better employment empowers both the women and men and makes them more career oriented. Most of them look forward to settle in life with a reasonable designation in employment and adequate monetary cushion before agreeing to marry. In other words most of the women marry in the age of 27 to 30 or beyond and men marry almost beyond 30 years.
In such situations postponing the marriage to get a perfect horoscope match that satisfies both the parents will only spell doom to the marriage aspirants and delay their marriage aspirations further. It is advisable to give credibility only to the very basics of horoscope matching to finalise the marriage.

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

Inter-religion Marriages – Know the Issues Behind

India, despite its economic and scientific advancements, is still continuing with its social reforms. Though, it was able to eradicate some of the age old evils such as sati, child marriages and dowry system by enacting strict laws and stricter punishments, it is yet to introduce changes in the age old customs, related to, inter-caste marriages and inter-religion marriages. Despite the efforts of the government, social reformers and other leaders’ inter-caste marriages and inter-religion marriages are still considered as taboo in India.

The impact of globalisation and the abolition of caste systems have certainly increased the percentage of such marriages and they are slowly gaining social acceptance in India. But, such acceptances continue to pose other complications. Unlike the marriages that take place within the caste and religion, the people who undergo inter-caste or inter religion marriages, need to take certain precautions, to safeguard their personal identity. Especially, they need to be aware of the issues and rights, related to upholding their religious identity, following of the rituals and assuming the surname after the marriage.

Upholding religious identity:
Though, some of the couples who undergo inter-religious marriages are wisely able to sort out the issues, related to continuing their respective religions and worshipping respective god/gods, most of the others have problems, in adapting to such changes. In an inter religion marriage, It is often the bride who suffers the most. Instead of leaving the decision to the conscious of the bride, she is often forced to change the religion, in the name of family interest. Instead of the bride taking a decision on changing her religion, it is often the unanimity among the household including the spouse, influences her decision. The bride should realise that it is her choice, to follow the religion she has followed all the years. This issue, if sorted out well before the marriage, will avoid much of the heartburns after the marriage.

Following the religious rituals:
Every religion follows its own set of rituals and adopts different beliefs. What is right for one religion need not be right for the other. It is essential to understand the importance of various festivals and rituals, followed in each religion and show interest and respect to them. It will not pose much problem for the couples ,who decide to respect the religious faith of the other. The rituals include wearing the right type of dress, preparation of food and others. Also, sorting out of the issues and taking an unanimous decision related to the religion to be followed by the children, helps in smooth sailing of the marriage life.

Assuming the surname after the marriage:
It should be remembered that India is one among the few countries, where some of the tribes and communities follow matriarchic system, where female is the head of the family, while others follow patriarchic system having male as the head of the family. Though, during the earlier times the law required the wife to assume the surname of her husband, the dispute in assuming male name in the communities that follow the matriarchic system, warranted a family court act correction in Bombay High Court. The court clarified ‘“a wife, who has not changed her name after marriage, by publishing in the official gazette, may continue to use her maiden name”. Though this has come as a breather to many women it was equally disputed by many.
Ultimately we must remember that it is only the mindset and give and take policy of the people who undergo such inter-religion or inter-caste marriage helps in keeping the marriage intact and surviving for years.

Do the Right thing – Marry at the Right Age

Making up your mind to get married is a significant decision. You must always take it at the most proper time. Getting married, when you are not really ready for it, or marrying, when you past your prime age of marriage, will both spell trouble to you. It will also have a bearing on your spouse and your family. Never get influenced to marry, when you are not really ready for it and never try to postpone it, when you actually wanted to get marry.

You can learn your readiness to get marry by running a self check on the following parameters.

Family issues:
Most of the time the seniors at your house usually start it with a quickly get marry prompts. Normally such get married instructions will start as soon as one reaches the right age of marriage. The instructions will take the shape of compulsions, when you are about to cross the right age for marriage. It is always advisable to listen to wise counseling of elders.

Feeling of Desolation:
Most of the unmarried will carry a mistaken belief that remaining lonely and unmarried is a kind of freedom. They use that such freedom for partying to keep their emotional and physical quotient in higher level. But shrewd among them rightly understand that it is time for them get married and start a family. Those who fail to understand the real meaning will regret for it later.

Lone Unmarried member:
If you happen to be the lone unmarried member among your peers, especially, among those who are of your age, then it is time for you to get married soon. Most of the time the friends of same age will start marrying one by one if anyone among them get married first. Therefore take the clue and follow the footsteps of your friends, unless you have other compulsions to remain unmarried.

Sustenance to Support Family:
The job and financial stability of an unmarried person is an indication to get married. Attaining certain level of professional accomplishments and financial freedom denotes the right age for marriage. The job security and the ability to support a family play a vital role in the marriage of an individual.
When you know that you are comfortable with the mentioned basic parameters do not hesitate further or postpone your marriage.

Ask Questions to Understand Your Future Life Partner

It is always argued that arranged marriages, will never give the same level of comfort, in understanding the future one’s life partner as that of a love marriage. Though, the argument appears to be correct, but, it actually is not.

India continues to lead the world, with increased level of arranged marriages. In the case of arranged marriages, in addition to matching of horoscopes, the verification of individual profiles takes place, before entering the second stage of meeting of the profile in person. The meeting stage is very crucial, to accept or reject a bride or groom. Most of the time, during such meetings, both the bride and groom enjoy only a short interaction, to understand each other to accept or reject the other. Some among them due to lack of self-confidence either fail to project themselves properly or ask the questions they have in mind.
It is essential for a bride or groom to understand the value of such interaction and learn the basics to handle such a situation before hand.

Determination to Marry:
It is essential to understand whether the other person (bride or groom) has interest to marry at that point of time. Most often it is found especially the grooms nod their head for the marriage purely on family compulsions. If someone is not sure or willing to get married there is no point in going ahead with the marriage arrangement. Proceeding to a marriage in such situations with an assumption that the marriage will ultimately cure such mindset is a bad idea. In fact it will spoil the matrimonial pleasure of the other partner. Therefore make certain to receive a positive answer for the question.

Life Ambitions:
Life ambitions play an important role in a marriage. The ambition may be to make a better job placement, earn and settle in life or just lead a princely life. For a successful marriage it is essential to have matching ambitions and goals. It is often found that couples with mismatching goals and ambitions fail to lead a happy married life. Both the partners should make sure to have matching goals of life.

Temperament to Adjust:
Unlike western countries where the marriage allows two individuals to form a family, the Indian culture goes beyond that. Here, in India, a marriage brings two different families into one group for amicable living. It is essential to understand the mindset and willingness of the partner to line up for such a situation and try to make it for the best future.

Similar Mindset:
A couple with matching intellect and mindset will always have the best of married life. The bride or groom who is ready for the marriage need to know that the rest of the years after the marriage will be spent in the company of his or her mate. It is always better to marry a spouse with matching intellect for an engaging and matching conversation all through the life. Such intellectual compatibility is essential for the happiness of the marriage.

Social Heritage:
Social heritage or family background plays an important role in a marriage. The etiquette, manners, culture and values towards life are often inherited from the parents. The brought up of an individual is vital to shape the future of him/her. It is always bliss to marry someone who comes from a family that respects the rights and freedom of the individuals.

Therefore, if you plan to marry in near future please understand the basic traits of a bride or groom by asking and understanding the mentioned points.