Don’t Struck Up with Your Past Love – Learn to Forget and Live Afresh

A few days back a good looking  young man came to Kalyanamalai office with his parents. Anxiety was written on the face of all of them.  We could see the parents trying to convince their son to register for our services.  On another occasion it was a beautiful young lady and her parents. They  were also trying to console the daughter and make her agree to register for our services. What was common between the young man and the young woman was love failure.
Most of us have faced failures in our life at-least once. When we can shake off and continue our life with other failures, we get struck , when we face a love failure. We continue to get haunted by the negative memories, feel the pain and try to cling to the past involuntarily.

Learn to Overcome the Feeling
It is a fact that you cannot really change such love laden past or forget it easily. But, you can always consider it as a bad element of your past and shrug it off. Learn to use it only as a launching pad, to learn new experiences, to live a full life. You don’t try to rescript the failure that you went through, but, try to comprehend it and handle it with a strong mind. Always remember that carrying such emotional pain lifelong, will only doom you with more failures. Learn to overcome it and always keep in mind that love and life will not start and end with a single person.

Never Become Dependent on Opinions
Forever remember that it is your life and you have to leave the hurt to move on. You will find a number of advisors surround you  and offer you advises, opinions and asking questions. Learn to listen to them disenchanted, never allow them a chance to probe into your mind and hurt you. Try to remember only those suggestions that can really benefit you. Use the period for right self introspection and never get emotionally blackmailed and become dependent on offered opinions.

Have Support of Friends
Never remain aloof and go on self-exile. It will only complicate the issue and increase your sorrow. Think of a friend on whom you can fall back for support. Choose those friends, who can cheer you up without reminding you on your past. Take pause from your work  and go on a holiday to a crowded place, where you can see a number of people. Take the help of your friends and get assured that you will never be alone. Indulge in new sports with them. Enter into cheerful conversations about your work place, college or even school days but make sure that they don’t talk on your lost love.

Develop Letgo Tendency
Never try to carry your old baggage in real-time. Never clutch to the old insult, anger, loss of mind with you all the time. Learn to separate those emotional triggers from your life with a developed let it go habit. Grow a disenchanted feeling towards your lost love and assure yourself that it can’t hurt you any more.

Don’t Allow Your past to Control Your Future
The first thing you must learn is not to allow your past to have any say in your future life. Most of the time we allow the past bad experience, to have control on our life. Never develop a spontaneous response to carry-over the ugly effects of lost love into your future. Learn to overcome the negative challenges with your proactive attitude and newer mental insight.

Learn to Create a Positive Future
Don’t let the failure make you mentally fragile. Consider it as a challenge thrown at you and never allow the emotions of failure to envelop you. Learn to venture into your future armoured with the experiences learned from your past. Think positive and assure yourself that you can easily create a positive future for yourself. If you cannot then who can do it for you.

Conclusion
Time is the best healer and it applies perfectly to a love failure. But let you not take too much time to come-out of it. Learn as quickly as possible to leave your past once for all behind you. Turn yourself into better aspects of life knowing that there are people around you to love you and to join you in your life.

Try Fulfill the Expectations of Your Partner for the Success of Marriage

Regular viewers of Kalyanamalai SUN TV program, would have observed that nearly 90% of the brides introduced by thiru Kalyanamalai Mohan in the program, prefer a husband who will love her, support her and be with her. Similarly, the grooms always look forward for a bride, who can adjust with his family and do things that are liked by him. These are considered to be their basic expectations. They must certainly be having a number of other expectations. The home making journey of the couple, will begin and continue happily, only, when they make sincere efforts to understand and fulfill the expectations of the other.

Don’t Try to Adjust – Just Accept Your Partner
A marriage bonds the two families, increases the member number and above all, brings in lifelong affinity between two individuals. It converts the hitherto I and me elements, into we and ours, to give them a universal approach . Most of the times, it is the wife who enters into an altogether different lifestyle, always tries to adjust and live with the situation.
Modern day psychiatrists have cautioned that adjusting to the situation, do not yield positive results in the long run. They instead suggest the couple to, accept the other as they are. Either the wife can accept the changes that she has to undergo, without showing any resentment or the husband can accept her as it is without enforcing the changes on her. Such an attempt, though create problems in the beginning, will actually strengthen the companionship between the couple, allows him/her  to get adopted  to others demand naturally to endure the married life.

Don’t Try to Prevail – Just Persuade
Normally, the newly married couple will start facing the problems, soon after the waning of initial love and interest between them. Each of them will try to prevail on the other enforcing his/her ideas calling it as right. When they fail in their attempt, it results in a bitter ego clash and brings in further rifts. Instead, when he/she is sure that the partner is wrong, they should never try to prevail on her/him, instead should  try to persuade without hurting her/his  ego for better results.
Don’t Do Self Promotion – Just Play it Normal
Most of the couples, especially the male, indulge in self promotion during the first few months,  after  the marriage. Such self promotion by him is normally indulged, to boost up his personal reputation in the mind of the new partner. While, such harmless self promotion impresses the partner, any excess of it or its encroaching into the other sensitive areas, will normally backfire. Remember, such self promotion or build up of facts, normally creates a negative impact, in the mind of your partner. If you want to be safe with your partner, just play it right and normal.

Don’t Try to Power Your Way – Just Make Your Approach Passive
Indian society is currently undergoing a transition. It is no more a purely male dominated one. It is expected to become either neutral or women dominated soon. With women getting equal opportunities in education and employment, the mutual approach between the couple also needs a fresh look. Though most of the present day couples have understood the need and get attuned to the change, still some of them live in the past. It is an undeniable fact that a passive approach brings in a friendlier and more conducive atmosphere than a powered talking.

Don’t Make Haste Moves – Just Give Time to Simmer
In India it is a practice for the bride to join and move to her husband’s house after the marriage. While a newly wed groom may find it easy to move with his in-laws and command respect, it is not that easy for a newly wed bride. She will have initial hiccups to get unified with her husbands family. It is essential for the husband to stay with his wife, put her at ease in the initial transition period.
He must develop an ideal relationship, without making haste moves to thrust the changes in her. Instead, he must allow her to retain her originality and get tuned to the changes, where  it is very essential. The effective role played by the husband, in assisting his wife to have a quick rapport with his parents, relatives and others, will increase her belonging feeling. He must never allow the entry of any third person including his parents into the affairs during the simmering period and complicate the issue.

Don’t try to Dominate – Just Learn to Play a Second Fiddle
While, a male physically dominates a family, a female lead it with her special intuition power. She is endowed with multi-tasking capabilities and a sense of security. When a husband understands these special attributes of her and plays a supportive role it helps in the financial growth of the family in the long run.

Don’t promote Diffidence – Just Encourage Confidence
It is quite common among the men, to behave over confidently, to suppress their inferiority complex. Some of them will depict such complex in words when their wife earns more income than they. The wife should learn to approach it with sympathy in order to induce self-confidence in their husband’s mindset.

Don’t Compete – Just be in Equal Standing
It is no more a problem for a present day husband to join his wife in the house chores. It is important for the wife to not to compete with the husband on the sharing of household  work, complicate it into an ego problem. Instead they must make it happen in a normal way on neutral grounds.

Don’t Complicate Your Intimate Times into Complex ones – Just Learn to Live Them with Confidence
It is a fact that most of the married couple is endowed with wrong and incomplete ideas about their very private life. They often find that their theoretical book knowledge has no relevance to their practical living. They must learn to worry only about their personal likings and that of their partner nothing else. They must quickly find a neutral ground uninhibitedly to build up a healthy relationship. Only mutual trust and empathy for the partner will endow them to have an enduring and exciting private life.

Have an Open Mind – Allow Your Young Daughter-in-Law to Settle Down

It is not uncommon to hear the parents remark that their new daughter-in-law has belied all their expectations. They normally claim that her interests in life often clash with theirs and she has no respect for their values or beliefs. They further call and brand her attitude as wrong. But they forget the simple fact that their daughter-in-law is actually endowed with a different attitude and not with a wrong attitude.

Such parents, should first give enough time to their daughter-in-law to settle down in her new life. They must try to discuss the confronting issues with her in a calm way. Instead, most of them often talk and discuss about it openly with everyone, thus causing her heartburn. Their unneeded intervention and open remarks about her attitude, will only create further friction. In some cases, it may flare up into a brawl, thus inviting her parents to join the issue. Then, the issue will center around the pride and emotions amongst them, to create further rifts.

They must first find out, whether her attitude impacts their son. If it impacts him, then he will automatically initiate the needed action for it. The parents should also know that their complaint about their in-law and the demand to change her attitude may backfire on them. In cases, where the husband knows the attitude problem of his wife and want to handle it subtly without exerting pressure on her, may not hesitate to ask his parents to pull out.

Most of the time, her attitude may be the result of her upbringing, influence of her parents and the experiences she underwent. Generally, the present day youngsters quickly get adjusted to each others attitude, after the marriage. Even the initial hiccups are overcome efficiently for a smooth sailing. In most of the cases, what was a major attitude issue for his parents, becomes a trivial and unimportant issue for him and he normally don’t give much credence to it.

An open talk between the couple, often helps her to view the problem from his point of view, to understand it and get adjusted to it. Such an action of the husband, enables her to become more flexible. She has to compromise a little on her perception in tone with the family values. Also, the husband can request his family members to grant his wife time to get tuned to their values to join the family as its valuable member. He can simultaneously explain to his wife the initiatives required from her part.

The parents have a very vital role in helping the couple to get a perfect understanding between them. Instead of harping on the attitude issue, they must allow them enough time to settle down in their life. They must desist offering any suggestions or talk offensively unless asked. They must know that in extreme cases only a professional help will come handy. They must play the role of a stepping stone for the couple to realize their life dreams with proper guidance.

Parents Should Learn to Play a Positive Role in Shaping the Married Life of their Daughter

The last two decades have brought in a series of changes in the mindset of the people, family living, social status, marriage and more. The education and economic conditions have made most of the Indian families to opt for a single child or at the most a two child norm.

Such nuclear families, especially those with a single daughter will always stay very closely knitted. The parents who were able to bear the separation of their daughter on education and employment grounds, finds it more difficult to undergo the permanent separation after the marriage. They suffer the pain of separation and mental distress. To avoid such a separation, some of them even go to the extent to marry their daughter in their own cities or close by places to enable visiting her regularly.

Most of the current day husbands, who also hail from such nuclear single child families understand the plight of their in-laws and let their regular visits to see their daughter. The parents’ visits are tolerated as long as they don’t eat up the privacy between the couple. The problem starts when such parents expect their daughter to reciprocate their visits. Some of the parents while taking advantage of their visits will overzealously try to poke their nose into the family affairs of their daughter. In a nutshell they unintentionally and unknowingly will prevent their daughter from smoothly transitioning into her new role as a wife.

Such parents must understand that their continued dominance will prevent their daughter from starting her own family life with her own set of priorities. They must allow their daughter to spend quality time with her husband and her in-laws. They must guide her to understand the need to develop a good rapport with all the members of her husband’s family. If their daughter is employed, they must teach her how to efficiently manage her family and work with effective apportioning of time. They must appreciate her efforts to have quality weekends with her husband and in-laws instead of missing her absence at their home.

They must play a supportive role with their daughter in her passage from their only daughter to an efficient house wife and in turn a proud mother. They must learn to understand that the separation has created a new bondage and new relationships. They must try to nurture the new relationship and offer a positive role in the family creating efforts of their daughter.

Getti Melam Program – A New Initiative of KM Matrimony

The new Getti Melam program from Kalyanamalai which evoked much interest from the day one of its announcement was held successfully at Vijaya Mahal, Pondy Bazaar, Chennai on 9th and 10th of March. The registration amount for the program was kept as Rs.1001/- to benefit larger chunk of marriage seekers.

In order to help everyone who is on the lookout of a bride or groom and to make sure of larger participation, KM Matrimony used all the vehicles of propaganda such as posters, handbills, newspaper advertisements and FM radio advertisements to announce the details of the program. The program arranged during the weekend from 8.00AM to 8.00 PM for the participants' convenience.

On Saturday the 9th March the program started with a prayer seeking the blessings of god for the success of the program and early marriage benefit to all the participants. A number of families assembled in the hall even before the start of the program. KM Matrimony has made elaborate arrangements at every stage to help quick registration of the details of the participants. The participants expressed surprise and satisfaction when they received the color profiles matching their specifications within 30 minutes.

Though, an amount of Rs.1001/- was fixed as registration fee for the program, to have continual registration and increased level of benefits a number of parents have registered for regular three and six month schemes. Saturday being partial working day for most of the companies a number of registrants came even after 8.00 PM. Such an enthusiasm amply displayed the increased level of patronage and confidence KM Matrimony enjoys among its users. 

The second day (10th) being a Sunday, a large number marriage aspirants gathered at the hall right from the morning. After 11.00 AM a number of them came with their families and children. The fully air-conditioned Vijaya Mahal comforted them from the scorching sun outside. 

Kalyanamalai Mohan, happily moved around the participants, talked with them and comforted them about the immediate prospective marriage with soothing words. Similarly, Mrs.Meera Nagarajan assured the participants about the continued constructive role of KM Matrimony in realizing their marriage dreams.

Thousands of marriage aspirants have participated in the two days Getti Melam program to get the benefit of an early marriage. After serving the last visitor of the day Kalyanamalai Mohan and Meera Nagarajan congratulated the employees of KM Matrimony for their effective participation and had a group photo to honor them. The two-day program came to an end with a happy note.

Understand the Issues Related to Late Re-marriages

Remarriage is no more a taboo. The mindset of the people has distinctly changed about the remarriages. The society is no more averse about it and has started to accept such remarriages as normal and do not make much fuss about them. A remarriage assures the widowed and divorced people, their right to have a lifetime companion.

Even those in their late forties or early fifties, who have become single due to the death of their life partner or divorce, are trying to remarry and lead a normal family life. Every one of them are in the lookout of a compatible life partner, with an adjustable mindset, to make their second round of marriage a success.

It is essential to understand the issues related to second marriages. Unlike a first marriage, the second marriage is little more complicated and need a cautious approach. It is a must to have pre-marital counselling, to discuss all the issues threadbare and arrive at a conclusion to achieve success in the remarriage.

Understanding the real reason

He or she should know and realize the real reason to opt for the remarriage. The couple who intends to join a remarriage should know what they actually look for in their second marriage? They must find out whether the re-marriage decision is taken to have a father or mother or a family for their children, to increase their financial security or just to bring them a mental solace. They must also be aware of the implications of such remarriage over their private life.

Issues Related to Children

Most of the single parents who opt for a late re-marriage will normally have children. It is essential to make the children understand the reason for your opting a second marriage and get their confidence before going ahead with the marriage. The children must be explained and assured on how their interests will be protected, even after the remarriage. Taking children into confidence and getting their consent will greatly assist in the smooth functioning of the second marriage.

While discussing the subject related to children, the issues and details related to handling the affairs of each other’s children, need to be discussed threadbare. The couple must have a clear understanding, whether each one will handle their own children or will have the common right to handle the affairs of the partner’s children. If they agreed to have the right over their partner’s children then they must know the extent of their rights.

Handling other dependents

Another tricky issue in a late remarriage is the handling and managing the elderly dependent parents. A detailed discussion addressing the issues such as continuing their present lifestyle, food habits, compromises if any required to be made by either of the partners. Only a sympathetic approach with an understanding about the problems related to their old age will help in taking a wise decision.

Health and Medical issues

It is crucial for the couple undergoing the remarriage to understand each other’s health related issues and medical attention needed to address them. Such an understanding will help them to be aware of other’s problems, remain prepared and take the required medical insurance or health packages to address the issues.

Savings and Investments

Effective handling of each one’s savings and investment issues help the remarriage in a longer run. If any of the partners is wealthier than the other, then it will increase the chances for the other partner to become greedy. It will always be hard for them to reach an understanding on finance handling at least during the initial stages of remarriage. It is essential for both the partners to follow restraint during the period and reach an amicable agreement. The handling of finance and savings will become more complicated if any of the partners have a number of children than the other or have no children. Preparing a common will is expected to solve most of the problems related distribution of their property among their children.

Conclusion

Most of the issues related to a late remarriage can be addressed by the partners having confidence in each other. It is essential to discuss the details with a competent marriage counselor and thrash out the differences to earn the confidence of their children, parents and other relatives. Such counselling with an an all-inclusive discussion will increase the confidence level among the remarried couple and make their remarriage a success.

The Changing Face of Arranged Marriages in India

As a matrimonial company, KM matrimony, will always advocate for and support arranged marriages. It is a surprising fact that other than India, countries such as Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Nepal, East Asian, Southeast Asian countries, Middle East and Africa, also encourage arranged marriages. Such arranged marriages are also prevalent among the followers of Hasidic Judaism and Unification Church. It is interesting to know that Iran, Japan and some of the South American countries, are also among the list of countries that encourages arranged marriages.

Arranged Marriages

In India, arranged marriages continue to dominate over the love marriages. Unlike a love marriage, where a person chooses his/her the life partner, in an arranged marriage, the parents or family members play a vital role, in choosing one's life partner. More often, it is the parents who select a suitable partner for their son or daughter, after evaluating the family background, education and the outlook of the bride or groom.

Typical Processes in a Current Day Arranged Marriage

It is a proven fact that the success percentage of marriages, between people with similar background is more than those, with dissimilar backgrounds. The parents, who are aware of it, normally give more credence to the mutual compatibility than sex appeal, in their choice for a bride or groom. During the profile matching process, other than the horoscope matching, the details such as family background, education details, hobbies and interest, color, height, weight, property value and earning ability and the food habits are also considered. In some of the cases, even the private detective services are used, to check the background of a bride or groom and their social habits.

Arranged Dating

There is a mistaken belief that all the arranged marriages are forced marriages. But it is not so. Most of the parents, make all the preliminary checks mentioned above, satisfy themselves, before informing their son or daughter their choice. They further use the opportunity, to explain the pros and cons of marrying the chosen bride or groom. The bride and groom are urged to meet and understand each other, before a close relative or alone in a public place. Finally, the parents, give freedom to their children to accept or reject their decision and choice.

Conclusion

The freedom to accept or reject the choice of the parent, with valid reasons, makes the arranged marriages more advantageous. Except those youngsters, with an impulsive attraction towards the superficial and prominent attributes such as, external personality, hobbies and beauty, others continue to emphasize more on the cultural and family background that are time-tested.