SUN TV Kalyanamalai Shooting – Erode

KM Matrimony has conducted its  SUN TV – Kalyanamalai shooting at Platinum Mahal, RN Pudhur, Erode on 8th June 2013. The shooting is being first such shooting in Erode, the advance announcement about the program had created lots of enthusiasm among the people living in Erode and places close by to it. A good number of marriage aspirants had applied well in advance to take part in the profile introduction shooting  and get introduced by Thiru Kalyanamalai Mohan. Incidentally, Kalyanamalai program coincided with the inauguration of the Platinum Mahal.

The program started with Vivaha Prarthana a joint prayer organized for the early marriage of the marriage aspirants. A good number of parents with their son or daughter have participated in the Sankalpam with all the faith and prayed for the early marriage. The Prarthana started around 7.00 AM  with Harithra Ganapathi Homam seeking the blessings of Ganapathi for a prosperous life, Gubera Mahalakshmi Homam to attain wealth, Sri Swayamvara Parvathi Homam and Sahasranama Archanai for hurdle free early marriage, Navagraha Homam to get rid of chevvai, sarpa graha dosham and ended around 10.30 AM with the completion of Poorna Ahuthi.

Around 70 marriage aspirants turned up to the location with their parents, guardian or friends to take part in the profile introduction shooting. They very happily interacted with Kalyanamalai Mohan during the introduction shooting and sought his blessings for an early marriage.  The unique SUN TV – Kalyanamalai program running on its 13th year has assisted over 85% of the marriage aspirants participated in the program with a happy married life.

The SUN TV – Kalyanamalai shooting program started with the welcome address of Thamizharasi Damodaran. Thirumathi Meera Nagarajan introduced the invited honourable guests during the lighting of divine lamp and the inauguration of the function and Thiru Kalyanamalai Mohan spoke his mind.

A large gathering of people from Erode and nearby places eagerly joined the pattimandram program Chaired by Prof. Ramachandran and participated by Actor Director Pandiarajan, Mr. Sivakumar, Prof. Jeyanthasri, Ms.Nalini Sampathkumar, Ms.Bhuvana Seshan and Actor Vishwa. The participants made their presentation on the interesting topic ‘Whether the present  conditions are conducive  for people with good qualities to survive and lead a with good morals’. Prof. Ramachandran concluded saying that it is still possible for the  people with good qualities survive.   

Let not the Technological Innovations Decide the Fate of Your Marriage

Telecom and technological innovations during the last decade and the continuing of new inventions are slowly and steadily eroding the personal life of the present day couple. The demanding current day living styles are quite in contrast to the calm and sedate living styles of yesteryear couples.

The communication gadgets such as laptop and mobile phone are playing a crucial role in  preventing the young couple to have work life balance. These two gadgets are cited as reasons for most of the family wrangles of today. The changed and demanding work culture necessitates either or both the couples to use such gadgets even at  home. The problem becomes multiplied when only one of them becomes more connected to a laptop or a mobile phone at home.

If a male starts using the laptop connected to the internet at home to answer the emails or prepare and send his emails he often forgets the presence of his partner. More often, such a neglect will even deprive passionate moments and normal sex activity between the couple. Most of the time they hardly exchange few words or sometimes none. Some of them use internet enabled mobile phones that serve the dual purpose of watching the internet as well as talking. Some of them even while talking with their spouses will continue to text the messages without giving due attention to the conversation.

More often the affected female partner instead of taking up the issue with her husband will feel neglected and isolated. Even if she tries to initiate any conversation, it normally will get a mute response from the husband who is engrossed with his laptop. The neglected woman often takes the extreme step of demanding a divorce.

Similarly, there are instances where wives are engrossed and engaged in social networks such as Facebook for hours together or talking on a  mobile phone for a longer duration. The women addicted to mobile talking often do not socialise personally in groups or engage intimately with an interest in their family related activities. They often become irritable where there are no Facebook messages or when they forget to carry their mobile phone with them.

If either of the partners becomes obsessive with email checking even at midnight, glued to the laptop while at home, talking or texting using mobile phone without any family oriented interaction at home, it affects the other partner. She/he feels isolated when the partner ignores her/his real presence at home and go in search of virtual friends at social networks and interacts with them.

The emerging researches calls the internet addiction and obsession to social network usage by the married couple as perturbing trend that needs immediate correction. It indicates that such a trend if go unchecked will lead to increased rate of divorce among the newly married,

Wives – Know the Secrets of a Long Happy Marriage

Recently I had attended the sathabishekam of an old couple. Incidentally, it was also their 60th marriage year celebration day. When the marriage took place the groom was just 19 years old and the bride was 15 years old.
In the evening, I took the time to interact with the old man, to know his ideas about the role of a husband, in keeping the marriage productive and successful. Though, some of the things he had mentioned may not suit the present scenario, but most of his experiences will certainly help the young married grooms or those who look forward to marry. I am sharing his ideas in his own words.

Continue to show your affection

I always keep my wife in high esteem and show her my affection. I showed the same level of warmth over all the years and it did not decline even once. I had never allowed my personal emotions or stresses to envelop me while being with her. I took care to draw a line between my personal problems and my affection towards her.

Never persist to point-out the weaknesses

I believe that all of us have some weakness or other. Some of such weaknesses can be corrected and some of them will remain with us till our death. In the past, while I had helped my wife to overcome some of her weak points, I never had insisted on her becoming 100% perfect. In fact, while helping her to correct her weaknesses, I had requested her to assist me to overcome my own weaknesses. This has helped both of us to understand each others weaknesses. While, we could get rid of some of our weaknesses, we learned to adjust and live with the others.

Managing difference of opinion

I know it is impossible for a married couple to live without having a difference of opinion or a fight over about who is right in all their life. We too had differences of opinions, but the developed understanding had helped us to manage such occasions without making a shouting.
During every such differences we took care to listen to the opinion of the other without passing a judgment and always stopped our discussion at a point. We allowed our ideas to simmer and surface again after two days. Invariably, we found that such an attempt always brings new clarity on the suggested opinions and the best idea was chosen despite the fact who originated it.
Difference of opinions did creep into our lives too. But we learnt to manage them without shouting at the other. I never called my wife with unpalatable names or branded her ideas as negative anytime. Also, we took care to not to argue on any subject before our children when they were young. We always took their opinion when they become old.

Do things that are important to her too

From the day one, I took care not to be selfish by doing things that are important to me by ignoring her. I invariably accompanied her to whatever place she wanted me to join her. In the process she had learnt about my preferences and comfort level. This has enabled her to invite me to only to those places that are comfortable for both of us and not to all the places. I know her preferences and had never compelled her into doing things that are not easy for her.

Don’t allow your emotions to initiate a distance between you

I know that some of the couples of our age which includes our relatives don’t talk for a week or more when they develop difference of opinion or fight. They will maintain a stoic silence between themselves during the period. I had seen their chocked and flared-up emotions will always result in the use of most hurting words when they open up next time. I had never allowed it to happen between me and my wife. We too had fights and difference of opinions but they never lasted for more than an hour or two.

Maintain your Attraction

I always try to be attractive to her and never allowed my age to overtake my personal hygiene or dress consciousness. I don’t dress too conservatively and had never interfered with the dressing preferences of my wife, because both of us know each others taste.

Husbands – Know the Secrets to Have a Long Happy Marriage

Recently I had attended the sathabishekam of an old couple. Incidentally, it was also their 60th marriage year celebration day. When the marriage took place the groom was just 19 years old and the bride was 15 years old.
In the evening, I took the time to interact with the old man, to know his ideas about the role of a husband, in keeping the marriage productive and successful. Though, some of the things he had mentioned may not suit the present scenario, but most of his experiences will certainly help the young married grooms or those who look forward to marry. I am sharing his ideas in his own words.

Continue to show your affection

I always keep my wife in high esteem and show her my affection. I showed the same level of warmth over all the years and it did not decline even once. I had never allowed my personal emotions or stresses to envelop me while being with her. I took care to draw a line between my personal problems and my affection towards her.

Never persist to point-out the weaknesses
I believe that all of us have some weakness or other. Some of such weaknesses can be corrected and some of them will remain with us till our death. In the past, while I had helped my wife to overcome some of her weak points, I never had insisted on her becoming 100% perfect. In fact, while helping her to correct her weaknesses, I had requested her to assist me to overcome my own weaknesses. This has helped both of us to understand each others weaknesses. While, we could get rid of some of our weaknesses, we learned to adjust and live with the others.

Managing difference of opinion
I know it is impossible for a married couple to live without having a difference of opinion or a fight over about who is right in all their life. We too had differences of opinions, but the developed understanding had helped us to manage such occasions without making a shouting.
During every such differences we took care to listen to the opinion of the other without passing a judgment and always stopped our discussion at a point. We allowed our ideas to simmer and surface again after two days. Invariably, we found that such an attempt always brings new clarity on the suggested opinions and the best idea was chosen despite the fact who originated it.
Difference of opinions did creep into our lives too. But we learnt to manage them without shouting at the other. I never called my wife with unpalatable names or branded her ideas as negative anytime. Also, we took care to not to argue on any subject before our children when they were young. We always took their opinion when they become old.

Do things that are important to her too

From the day one, I took care not to be selfish by doing things that are important to me by ignoring her. I invariably accompanied her to whatever place she wanted me to join her. In the process she had learnt about my preferences and comfort level. This has enabled her to invite me to only to those places that are comfortable for both of us and not to all the places. I know her preferences and had never compelled her into doing things that are not easy for her.

Don’t allow your emotions to initiate a distance between you

I know that some of the couples of our age which includes our relatives don’t talk for a week or more when they develop difference of opinion or fight. They will maintain a stoic silence between themselves during the period. I had seen their chocked and flared-up emotions will always result in the use of most hurting words when they open up next time. I had never allowed it to happen between me and my wife. We too had fights and difference of opinions but they never lasted for more than an hour or two.

Maintain your Attraction

I always try to be attractive to her and never allowed my age to overtake my personal hygiene or dress consciousness. I don’t dress too conservatively and had never interfered with the dressing preferences of my wife, because both of us know each others taste.

Vanniar Community Marriage Rituals

Vanniyakula Kshatriya or Vanniar is one of the major communities in Tamil Nadu. The name Vanniar originated from the Tamil word Vanni denoting agni or fire in Sanskrit. The community includes around 92 sub-castes. Vanniar, Vanniyakula Kshatriya, Naicker, Nayagar, Padayachi are prominent among them. They are one among the various castes, who are communally well-organized, politically well supported and well-versed.

Though Vanniars live in all the places of the state they are more populated in Erode, Kanchipuram, Dharmapuri, Vellore, Salem, Thiruvannamalai, Tiruchi, Villupuram, Thanjavur, Cuddalore, Namakkal, Krishnagiri, Perambalur, Ariyalur, and Nagapattinam districts.

Young women and men in the community are simple, hard-working and robust built. In the earlier past, the community was active in warfare activities and some among them even have ruled smaller kingdoms as kings. A sizeable percentage of them are still engaged in agriculture for the income. In the last 10 to 20 years most of the younger women and men have started joining professional courses of study and joined various job streams.

During the earlier years some of the Vanniar families had moved to countries such as Mauritius, South Africa, Singapore, Sri Lanka, Seychelles, Fiji and Malaysia as labourers seeking greener pastures. The well-educated among them have settled in European countries, the UK and the USA.

In the last 10 to 15 years some of them have made their mark as teachers, doctors, high court judges and even IAS/IPS officers. Barring a microscopic minority, normally most of them are non-vegetarians.
For most of the Vanniar families the family deity is Sree Angala Parameswari Amman. The 350 year old Mannaarswamy and PachaiammanTemple a village deity temple in Salem is also worshipped by majority of the community. They worship gods such as Vinayakar, Murugar, Venkitachalapathy, Iyyanar, Guru, Saptha Rishis, Illaya Muni, Semuni, Vamuni Saptha Mathas, and Karthiyayini Devi. Though they believe and worship all gods, for most of them the family deity is Sree Angala Parameswari Amman.

Vanniar Marriages
Vanniar community normally fixes the marriages using the word of mouth services of relatives and friends. Social functions organized within the community are also used to make marriage proposals. Presently the community uses both conventional and modern methods in arranging the marriages.

During olden days the community used to follow elaborate wedding rituals and conduct the marriage for over three days. Currently due to time constraints marriages are almost completed within a day or two.  The marriages are performed either as self-respect marriages or conducted by Tamil Oduvars or performed by Brahmin priests. Common rituals followed in Vanniar marriages are listed below.

Nichiyathartham or the Engagement
On completing the horoscope matching both the bride and groom families will meet and discuss the details about conducting of the marriage. An auspicious date will be fixed to conduct the Nichiyathartham or Parisam Poduthal function. The function will be normally held at the bride’s house or at a marriage hall.
On the pre-fixed day of Nichiyathartham the groom’ family with all the relatives will arrive to the bride’s house or the hall fixed for the purpose. As a procedure the groom’s family will carry betel, areca nut, flowers, fruits, saffron, sandalwood powder, coconut, turmeric along with a new sari and glass-beads threaded in a string. The bride’s family will welcome the family of the groom and receive the seer items. The items will be  arranged systematically in plates. The parisam money or jewels and the Mulaipal Kuli (Milk money) to honour the mother for breastfeeding the bride will be kept in separate plates. The parism money will be received by the father of the bride. At the end of the function both the families will have a grand feast arranged by the bride’s family.

After the feast, the bride will have a bath again and wear the new sari given to her by the groom’s family. For makeup she will use the sandalwood powder, saffron, jewellery and flowers. Finally she will wear the string of beads brought by the groom’s family around her neck. To denote the completion of Nichiyathartham betel and nut will be distributed all the guests attended the function.

During olden days the Parisam Money and other presents were carried in a decorated palanquin and taken around the village of the bride. At the completion of Nischayathartham the bride will touch the bow and sword owned and brought in by the groom. The groom used to wear the dress of the king or warrior, sit over a horse and drive it to the home of the bride to attend the function.

Marriage ceremonies:

Bringing special pots for the marriage
 During the olden days Vanniar’s performed extensive rituals during the marriage and conducted it for three days. The bride was taken on a procession to the house of bridegroom either on the first of the marriage or a day earlier to it. Women from the potter caste will accompany the bride by carrying the pots specially prepared for the marriage.

Decorating the Marriage Dais:
The marriage dais will be extensively decorated; the handle of a plough or milk-post will be kept close to it. A Mortar-Pestle (ammikallu), a large mud pot, a pot with a light inside (Kuda vilakku) and an ornamental light also will be placed close by.

Vanniars from North Arcot district will normally use the Vanni tree (Prosopis spicigera) stick as the first pole to support the constructed dais. They worship the tree for success over enemies, to forgive them from the committed sins and to grant them their wishes. They consider that the Vanni tree represent the holy tree was used by Kshatriya Pandava Kings to keep their arms hidden, during their exile period.

Nalangu
Both the groom and the bride will undergo the nalangu ceremony separately. They will be seated over a wooden plank and five women chosen for the purpose will smear oil by using grass stem and apply green gram paste over it. They will perform arati using red coloured water made of turmeric water mixed with lime. Arati is performed to symbolically ward off all the evils. Then both of them will be led to take bath. As a form of ritual five small sized cakes are positioned over their head, shoulders and knees and other places when they take bath.

Preparing for the marriage
Both the groom and the bride will be seated over a wooden plank and undergo the nalangu ceremony separately. Five women chosen for the ceremony will smear oil by using grass stem and apply green gram paste over it. They will perform arati using red coloured water made of turmeric water mixed with lime. Arati is performed to symbolically ward off all the evils. Then both of them led to take bath. As a form of ritual five small sized cakes are placed over their head, shoulders and knees and other places, when they take bath.

Kanganam
The priest chosen to conduct the marriage will tie the sacred yellow thread known as Kanganam around the wrists of the groom. The groom in turn will tie it around the wrists of the bride before the commencement of the marriage.

Marriage
The marriage will become complete with the tying of Thali a sacred thread around the neck of the bride by the groom. Before tying the thali is kept in a plate along with coconut, betel and nut. It will be taken to all the elders present in the hall to receive their blessings. At the chosen auspicious muhurtham time the groom will tie the thali around the neck of the bride, among the holy sounds such as the chanting of holy verses by the prohit, blowing of conch and playing of the flute. The sister of the groom will hold a Kamakshi Vilakku representing goddess Kamatchi of Kanchipuram known as wife of lord Shiva to receive her blessings during the occasion. The elders present at the hall will bless the couple showering atchathai (rice coloured with turmeric).

Tying of Pattam
After the completion of thali tying or knotting ceremony, the couple will swap their seats and their clothes will be tied together. Then their close relatives will tie the gold or silver plate called pattam around their foreheads. For the bride the pattam will be in shape of papal tree leaf and for the groom it will be in the shape of a vaishnavati namam. . The pattam will be tied by the maternal uncles of bride and the groom.

Ammi Midithal
Ammi Midithal and Arunthathi parthal (stepping over Mortar-Pestle and viewing of the Arunthathi star) will normally mark the completion of a Hindu marriage. In the Vanniar marriage the bride and the groom will go around the milk-post and the dais. After completing three rounds the groom will lift and keep the left foot and the right foot in order over the Ammi and bejewel the finger next to thumb with a jewellery known as Metti.

Arundhathi Parthal
Arundhathi Parthal is also an important feature associated with the Vanniar marriages. Arunthathi, the wife of a sage is known for her virtue and purity and has become a celestial star. Priest who conducts the marriage will show the place, where the star will normally appear and explain its significance.

Mock Ploughing Ceremony
The marriage will come to an end in the evening with a mock ploughing ceremony participated by the couple. After the removal of the Kanganam tied in the morning, the groom will carry a small plough and the bride will follow him with a kanji pot to the outdoor. The groom will mockingly use the plough to plough-up a small area of land and sow some seedlings. He will then offer betel and nut to a small pillayar made of cow-dong to mark the purity of the marriage ceremonies. After some time the groom will sit in a corner acting as if fatigued by the work. The bride will offer him Kanji made of rice porridge that she has brought with her and her brother will mockingly prevent him from taking it.

Disclaimer: the information provided in the write up is collected from various sources and we believe them as correct. We will be happy to receive corrections if any. Please send your mail with details to content@kmmatrimony.com

Mudaliar Community Marriage Rituals

Mudaliar community is one among the oldest communities from South India. The word Mudaliar refers to the one who leads the other citizens.The caste names such as Sengunthars, Vellalars, Agamudayars Thondaimandala Saiva Vellalar, Arcot/Thuluva Vellalar, Thondaimandala Kondaikatti Vellalar, Kaikolar, Muthali/Mudali from Kerala, Hyderabad and Bangalore Mudaliars, Nanjil Mudaliars, Gatti Mudalis of Taramangalam and Sri Lankan Mudaliyars use the title Mudaliars.

In the beginning, they have chosen agriculture as their primary profession and now most of them have moved into their own businesses, government jobs, private sectors, research and politics. They also have travelled and settled into places all over India and in overseas countries. The community consists of vegetarians as well as non-vegetarians.

The wedding ceremonies among different Mudaliar communities are very elaborate. The following are the most important and common rituals followed by them during the marriage.

Nichiyathartham or the Engagement:
Nichiyathartham will take places when the parents of the groom express their liking for the bride and convey their proposal for arranging of the marriage to the bride’s parents. The suggestion if agreed by the bride’s parents will lead to Nichiyathartham or signing of a memorandum by both the families. On the Nichiyathartham day grooms family as a custom will present the would be bride with jewels, sari, different fruits and dry fruits in 21 plates along with other items such as sugar cubes, flowers, fruits, turmeric, coconut and betel leaves and nut.

During the Nichyathartham Lagna Pathrikkai or the marriage contract form is read. It will mention the auspicious day and time fixed for marriage and both the parents will affix their signature as a sign of agreement.

Bride’s family will present the Pathrikkai along with gifts to the groom’s family and the occasion is known in Tamil as Thambulam Mattruthal. Elders from the family of bride will use the occasion to mention the gifts such as jewels, land or house property and vehicle if any that the bride will carry to the house of groom on completion of the marriage.
Signing of the contract will signify that the engagement is complete. Then both the sides will start the other marriage related works such as fixing a wedding hall, cooking arrangement and printing and distribution of invitation and others. A traditional mudaliar marriage will be performed for three days..
As per the established custom the groom’s family will buy the wedding and reception silk saris for the bride. The family of the bride will buy the wedding suit and other dresses for the groom. Some of the affluent families will also buy cloths and other articles that are to be presented to their relatives during the marriage. Most of the time, both the families, will make the purchases on reciprocally convenient dates well before the marriage day.

Pandakkal:
Pandakkal is an important wedding ritual after the Nichyathartham ceremony. Both the families will perform Pillayar Pujai (Ganapathi Pooja) to invoke the blessings of the elephant god for the long-lasting union of the couples. The brides as well as the groom’s family will put up a fabricated structure standing on four legs known as Kalyana Pandhal before their house to denote the beginning of the auspicious occasion.
Nine elderly married women will decorate the bamboo pillars with dots of turmeric (manjal) and vermilion (kumkum) in odd numbers. Also in nine separate vessels nine assorted varieties of pulses are kept soaked in water. The vessels are properly covered with husk for quick germination. The vessels are kept in upside down condition to enable the pulses to sprout after germination. After a few days the vessels are kept in turned up and right state to enable the sprouts to come over the surface and grow. The occasion is known in Tamil as Mozhakattuthal. The sprouts, which signify the beginning and growth of a new relationship between the families, will be carefully nurtured till the day of marriage.

Nalangu or Beautification of the bride:
Women from both the families will dominate the crowded Nalangu ritual. Over a wooden board a banana leaf is kept and uncooked rice is spread over it. The bride is asked to sit over the arrangement. Three small-sized stools placed close to the bride will have a) sandalwood paste, vermilion and rose-water, b) betel leaf, nut and flowers and c) Arthi – red colour water prepared using a mix of turmeric and lime. Each of the married women invited for the marriage from the bride and groom side will smear the sandalwood paste over the hands of the bride, place little vermilion on her forehead and sprinkle rose-water on her head and perform Arathi to signify her blessings to the bride.

Maapilai Azhaippu or the receiving of the Bridegroom:
During the Maapillai Azhaippu, the groom and his family are taken on a procession and the bride’s brother or uncle will garland them. The practice of taking the groom in a car, from the temple to the place of marriage, preceded by the playing Nadaswaram an Indian instrument and western band still prevails in small towns and villages. Gifts will also be carried by the uncle or brother of bride to the home of the groom before the marriage to invite him for the marriage. The women from the bride’s side will receive the groom with the traditional Arathi. A simple Nalangu is performed separately for both the groom as well as to the bride on their arriving to the place of marriage.

Mangala Snaanam:
A Pandaal or Pandakal using four bamboo sticks is erected before the wedding hall. It is beautified using banana tree stalks, tender coconut, mango leaves and flowers. On the day of wedding, the bride and groom will separately reach the pandaal or pandakal before sunrise.  Elders from both the families will apply sesame oil and green gram flour on their forehead and turmeric powder on their hands. The bride and groom will have Mangala Snaanam (oil bath) on this day, to welcome their marriage. The clothes worn by the bride and groom before taking the mangala snaanam are given to a washerman or washerwoman.

Arasan Kal or Installing of a bamboo stick before the marriage platform
The Arasan Kal ceremony is performed to offer prayer to the sacred Fig Tree (Arasu) and to respect the king as in olden days.  Five elderly married women who are living with their husbands (Sumangali) will conduct the ceremony.  After offering prayers to the Fig tree (Arasu) the women will cleanse an erected bamboo stick kept before the marriage pandhal with milk, smear the sandalwood paste over it and apply vermilion on it. They will also tie a silk scarf around it and finally perform Arathi. The bamboo stick represents the King (Arasan) who in the olden days used to grace the marriage occasion and bless the couple. The pooja is conducted to honour the king.

Paadapuja:
The groom will then wash the feet of his parents and request their blessings for a happy married life. His parent’s will in-turn blesses him.

Kasi Yatra:
According to Hindu sashthira an unmarried bachelor has option to choose either the married life (Grihasta) or the life of a Sanyasi renouncing the worldly pleasures. The groom will mockingly act that he prefers to become a Sanyasi and to leave for Kasi instead of the marriage hall. He will carry a handheld bamboo fan known as Visiri, an umbrella and slippers and pretend to move. Immediately the father of the bride will step in and persuade him explaining the benefits of married life and promise him that he will marry his daughter to him. In some of the families the brother of the bride will complete the persuading act and request the groom to marry his sister. The groom who will be reluctantly returning to the marriage hall is received by performing Arathi.

Mahalakshmi Puja and Pada Puja
The bride will perform Mahalakshmi Puja to the Mangalyam, supposedly to carry the form of Goddess Mahalakshmi, to receive her blessings. Then she will do Pada Puja to her parents seeking their blessings.
After performing the Mahalakshmi Puja the bride will wear the new cloths presented to her by the groom’s family and groom will wear the dress provided by bride’s family. Both the bride and the groom after wearing the garlands will enter the marriage altar (pandal) for continuing the marriage ceremony.

Ganapati Homam:
The priest chosen to carry out the marriage proceedings will perform Ganapathi Homam to invoke the blessings of God Ganapathi to help the couple in joining of their marriage life. He will also arrange to do Upanayanam ceremony for the groom and tie the sacred thread around the chest of the groom.

Manai Pongal
As per the tradition parents of the groom will cook rice in five or seven clay pots specially bought for the occasion when the groom and bride will be busy with their dressing. The parents will offer the cooked rice Pongal to all the deities who have made their symbolic presence at the marriage altar. The eldest sumangali women of the family will then greet the couple with garlands and take them to the altar.

Kanganam
The priest selected to perform the marriage ceremony will lit the sacred fire called homam as a witness for the marriage proceedings. The bride as asked by the priest will tie a sacred yellow thread known as Kanganam, attached to a piece of turmeric, around the wrist of groom, to signify the bestowing of right to him to touch her. After some time groom will tie the Kanganam on the wrist of the bride.

Kanikadhanam
The father of the bride will perform the ceremony among the chanting of Vedic verses thus agreeing to give his daughter in marriage to the groom. During the ceremony the parents of the bride will place the hand of the bride carrying a coconut in the hands of groom thus announcing symbolically that their daughter will become dependent of the groom.

Mangalya Dharanam
The tying of the Mangalyam thread around the neck of the bride by groom is the vital aspect of a marriage. The thread consists of 108 strings dipped in turmeric with a gold pendant resembling the tooth of a tiger placed in the middle of it.  During the olden days the tiger tooth shape of the mangalyam was actually made of tiger tooth taken from the tiger killed by the groom.

At the predefined and most auspicious time known as subha-muhurtham the groom will tie the first knot of the Mangalyam around the neck of the bride and his sister will complete it with two more knots. Such an arrangement symbolises that the bride becomes a part of the groom’s family. During the tying of the knot the traditional Nadhaswaram and melam combination known as mangala vadhyam is played. All the elders present at the dais will shower Akshadai a combination of rice and turmeric paste and flowers over the couple, bless them and offer prayers for their successful marriage life.

Pattam
After the Mangalya Dharanam, the couple will exchange their garlands three times. The exchanging of garlands signifies that they have become married couple. Uncles from the groom’s side and the bride’s side will tie a piece of gold over the groom and brides forehead to showcase their relationship. This ceremony is known as Pattam or wearing of pattam.

Laaja Homam:
Agni the god of fire is symbolically represented in the Homam conducted during the marriage. Immediately on completion of Mangalyatharanam the homam is performed using branch-lets of nine types of trees and ghee as fuel of sacrifice. The homam signifies that the Agni stands as witness for the marriage (Agni Saakshi).  The bride and groom will then offer their prayer by going around the sacred fire (Agni) three times. The brother of the bride will place the puffed rice in the hands of the couple and offer it to the sacred fired as sacrifice. After completing the homam the couples as directed by the priest will view the place in the sky where the star Arundhathi is supposed to be located. Arundhathi the mythical goddess is known for maintaining the moral virtue and chastity.

Sesha:
Sesha is arranged to receive the blessings of the elderly people who attend the marriage.  A piece of white cloth is kept in a spread condition before the bride and groom inside the Pandhal and uncooked raw rice is kept over it.  Each of the elderly members of the family will take a handful of the rice, bless the couple with the rice in their hands and drop it in front of the couple.

Sammandhi Mariyathai
To promote goodwill and friendly approach between them both the families will exchange gifts and new cloths among them after the wedding. In some of the families such exchanges take place before the marriage.

Grihapravesham:
On conclusion of all the marriage rites the bride and groom are taken to their new home where they will be starting their life as a couple after the marriage. Groom’s family will welcome the bride with traditional Arathi and a ceremonial lunch party will be given to all the members of the family invited for the occasion.

Reception
On the evening of the wedding day a reception is arranged and invitation is given to all the relatives and friends of both the families to bless the couple and attend a grand dinner.

Disclaimer: the information provided in the write up is collected from various sources and we believe them as correct. We will be happy to receive corrections if any. Please send your mail with details to content@kmmatrimony.com

Gounder Community Marriage Rituals

Kongu Vellalars or Kongu Vellala Gounders are known by a common name Gounders. They are known as the descendants of warriors, who fought for the Chola and Chera kingdoms in South India. In the latter years, their interest in the agricultural development has earned them the name Kongu Vellala Gounders. The community is also called by other names, which include Nattu Gounders-Kattu Gounders, Narambukatti Gounders, Senthalai Gounders, Padathalai Gounders, and Irumudi Gounders.
Gounder community is more prominent in places such as Palani Taluq of Madurai, Salem, Dharmapuri, Periyar and Coimbatore districts. The total area of their living covers around 7500 Sq. miles and it is commonly known as the Kongu Region. Though the region has a number of flowing rivers such as Cauveri, Neyyar, Amaravathi and Bhavani, being in a dry plain it receives only scanty annual rainfall. The area mostly depends on deep bore ground wells for irrigation.
Gounder caste includes 145 family names also known as kootam, gothram, or clan. The names often resemble the name of a flower (Araiyan), tree (Oodaalan), fish (Avuriyan), a bird (Antuvan) or human body parts. The names of the kootams are similar to the names used during the old Tamil Sangam period. Each of this Kootam will worship their own Kula deivam or family deity and follow their Kulaguru. They normally offer prayers at the temples of their own specific deities. They avoid and do not arrange marriages between the two families of the same Kulam or Koottam.
The community known for their hard work follows well refined wedding customs which amply reflect their living style. Every rite performed during their marriage is unique and carry a specific reason. These marriage rituals follow old Tamil Sangam age practices as a base. Over the time they have undergone changes in tone with the available facilities, changing habits and technology while some of them do not exist now.

Porutham Parthal
In Gounder community parents arrange most of the marriages. After confirming the willingness of their son or daughter for marriage, the parents, will spread the news across their close relatives and friends, announcing their intentions about the search for a suitable match. The factors that play a crucial role in the bride or groom selection include matching of horoscope, economic and social status of the family, their financial conditions and earning capabilities, and the level of education.

Sagunam Parthal
After both the families mutually get satisfied about the matching of their son or daughters horoscope with that of a received horoscope, they will go ahead towards the next step of Sagunam Parthal. They will seek favorable omens to take further steps in fixing the marriage. They believe in sagunams such as the movement flowers placed before their Kula Deivam, or the sound of a lizard or any other good omen that best conveys the blessings of the god. After getting convinced about the favorable Sagunams, both the families will visit each other. They will do this to have first hand information about the land, house possessions, living status of the other family. On mutual satisfaction, the families will then try to confirm the marriage by performing Nichyadhaartham ceremony.

Nichyadhaartham
Nichyadhaartham also known as Nichaya thamboolam is arranged on a convenient and auspicious day. The bridegroom’s family will visit the house of the bride or a place specially chosen for the purpose along with their relatives and friends to conduct the ceremony. Both the families and friends will sit in rows opposite to each other to enable easy discussion between them. A tripod is kept in between the two rows, over which a plate with betel and Areca, and fruits is placed.

The groom’s side will initiate the discussion asking the bride’s side to accept the marriage proposal. This will be gladly reciprocated by the bride’s side. Then the groom and the bride’s side will exchange the plates containing fruits, betel and Areca as confirmation of the Nichayadhaartham. The groom’s side will present the bride a new dress especially chosen for the occasion. The bride will wear the dress for the Nichayadhaartham. She will keep lemon, turmeric, Areca nut and betel in her lap and offer her respect for all the elders who have come to attend the function. Then both the families will fix up an approximate date, time and venue for the marriage. The bride’s family will complete the occasion by offering a grand feast known as ‘parupanchotru virundhu’ (a feast comprises of rice and dhal) to the groom’s family.
Some of the pure Tamil names related to the rites performed before the marriage include pariyam iduthal, kulam kodhudhal and muhurthakaal naattudhal.

Invitation for marriage:
During the olden days the Kudimagan chosen for the occasion will extend the invitation on behalf of the families. While extending the invitation, he will mention the number of persons expected to attend from each invited families. Families will consider his invitation as prestigious and those families that did not get his personal invite may choose to boycott the marriage. Currently only printed invitation cards are used to invite the families. The bride or groom’s family will extend personal invitation only to their close family relatives and friends and for others while for others they use courier or postal services.

Rites before marriage:
In Gounder marriages the ceremonial marriage rites are elaborately conducted for three days. They follow the old Sangam period marriage traditions and such traditions do not include chanting of Vedic hymns and rising of holy fire. The Gounder marriages offer a very good scope for participation from other communities. The other communities that partake in the marriage rituals include Navidhar (barber), Vannar (washer man), Kuyavar (potter), Kammalar (carpenter), Maadhaari (cobbler), and Pandaram (cook).
Arumaikaarar a revered and senior member of the community blessed with a wife and child/children will conduct the marriage ceremonies. He is also respectably called by other names such as Pudavaikaarar, Seerkaarar and Arumaiperiyavar. Similarly a senior woman member is selected as Arumaikaari. The chosen woman would have completed a procedure known as Ezhudhingam under an Arumaikarar when her daughter or son has attained the marriage age. Arumaikaari along with Arumaikaarar also will conduct certain marriage rituals.

Next to Arumaikaarar the Navidhar (Barber) gets the respect and he plays a significant role in the marriage. Affectionately called as Kudimagan, he performs the role of inviting the relatives for the marriage, calls the relatives before every specific ritual of the marriage and sings the Mangala vaazhthu song thus assisting the Arumaikaarar. He also completes the haircut and shaving procedures performed on the groom before the marriage. The Vannar erects the colorfully decorated temporary shed (Pandhal) for the marriage, while the Potter supplies the earthen pots needed for the marriage rituals. The Kammalar provides the boxes made f wood and the box to be used for madaikalam vaithal.

Marriage
Naal Virundhu (1^st day of the marriage)
The Gounder  marriage commences with Naal Virundhu on the first day. The feast is arranged by the close relatives of the bridegroom and the bride. Such feast arranged by the relatives of both the sides creates a comfortable atmosphere between the families.

Muhurtha Kaal (2^nd Day)
It is a common practice among the Gounder community to offer voluntary services to the bride’s side before and during the marriage and to assist the other marriage related works. On the second day of the marriage the relatives of the bride will jointly make all the needed arrangements such as serving the relatives during the feasts, cutting of firewood and steaming of the paddy. They will also install the pandhal under which the marriage will be performed.Three arumaikaarars will erect the muhurtha kaal to showcase the commencement of the marriage. During the marriage rituals on the second day a specific type of loud beating instrument is played.

Muhurtham (3^rd Day)
The third day of the marriage is very important. The marriage gets completed with the tying of thali at the fixed muhurtham time. During the ceremony the bridegroom and the bride will wear the traditional dresses and sit over a raised platform. The bridegroom will tie the thali or mangala naan around the neck of the bride. The mangala vadyams or sacred instruments will be played during the occasion. Exchanging of garlands will mark completion of the wedding rituals. The marriage rites such as Kaappu Kattudhal, Tharai varthal and Kaithalam pattrudhal performed before and during the marriage point out the rights and responsibilities bestowed on the couples through the marriage.

Events associated with the marriage

Mangala Vaazthu
Reciting Mangala Vaazthu is an exclusive event during Gounder marriages. Poet Kambar wrote the song in pure Tamil to honour Sadayappa Vallal a Kongu vellalar. It describes the entire range of events that takes place during the marriage and compares it with that of those that happen in a royal family. The song highly praises the marriage as an institution while blessing the newly married couple.

Aarathi Eduthal
Aarathi Eduthal an important event in marriages and it is performed at the end of all the marriage ceremonies. The elderly women chosen for the purpose will hold a plate containing red coloured water made using a mix of turmeric and lime. The plate with lighted camphor will be taken in clockwise and anti clockwise motions before the newly married couple. Such an act is believed to ward off the evil eye cast during the marriage and protect the couple.

Senjoru Aindhadai Suttrudhal & Arugumanam seidhal’
Senjoru Aindhadai Suttrudhal & Arugumanam seidhal rituals are performed after completing all the marriage ceremonies. They intend to end and get rid of the blight induced due to evil eye during the marriage celebrations.

Kalyana Virundhu
The Gounder marriage is complete only after the Kalyana Virundhu. It includes extravagant and lavish vegetarian food items served on plantain leaves. The feast will adequately serve taste buds of the guests to bring them joy.

Disclaimer: the information provided in the write up is collected from various sources and we believe them as correct. We will be happy to receive corrections if any. Please send your mail with details to content@kmmatrimony.com

Understand the Issues Related to Dating by the Couple Whose Marriage is Fixed

Dating culture was not generally known to Indians, especially the south Indians up in the nineties and some years beyond. Though, it was happening in the higher strata of society and among the rich, they too maintained a low profile about it. The lower and middle class families, never encouraged dating before the marriage and were hesitant to encourage it even after the fixing of the marriage date.

During the later part of the nineties, the introduction of the Internet and high bandwidth leased lines has enabled the entry of foreign BPO and software companies. Such companies, while increasing the job opportunities and offering a higher level of pay and perks to the deserving job seekers , also have brought in changes in the outlook of the society. The society that was up till then discouraging women from attending shift duties and night duties, started allowing them to join such organisations, in order  to become breadwinners and independent wage earners.

Presently, there is a change in the outlook of the parents. Some of them even encourage their wards, whose marriages are fixed or engaged, to go out with the partner if there are a couple of months left before the actual marriage date. Such an arrangement, enables the couple to look back their romance period after the marriage. The question that normally arise in the mind of parents or the couple is about the proximity to be maintained between the couple during such dating, and whether to allow any extra freedom for the engaged couple. While such questions are continuously debated, the dating has  steadily gained momentum and become more prevalent.

Such courtship or dating also has some positive aspects. It allows the couple to know each other more intimately and enables them to have a concrete idea about their life partner. It is advisable for the couple to open up slowly and allow the relationship to blossom naturally.

Dating before marriage also presents the lurking danger about misunderstanding each other. One should be careful in the exchange words and never give room for ambiguity and possible misreading of an expression. Exercise more care, while making comments with those who are reserved or those who feel very much excited. Balance your thoughts and try to stride an easy approach that increases the pleasure and reduce discomfort.

It is your exclusive right, to open up or leave the discussion on your past relationships if you had any. Most of the couple, would prefer to forget and put aside such events, instead of precipitating. It is essential for the dating couple to use their common sense in deciding what to disclose and what not to disclose. They must try to use the opportunity to understand the plus and minus points of the partner to adjust and lead a happy life.

Don’t Struck Up with Your Past Love – Learn to Forget and Live Afresh

A few days back a good looking  young man came to Kalyanamalai office with his parents. Anxiety was written on the face of all of them.  We could see the parents trying to convince their son to register for our services.  On another occasion it was a beautiful young lady and her parents. They  were also trying to console the daughter and make her agree to register for our services. What was common between the young man and the young woman was love failure.
Most of us have faced failures in our life at-least once. When we can shake off and continue our life with other failures, we get struck , when we face a love failure. We continue to get haunted by the negative memories, feel the pain and try to cling to the past involuntarily.

Learn to Overcome the Feeling
It is a fact that you cannot really change such love laden past or forget it easily. But, you can always consider it as a bad element of your past and shrug it off. Learn to use it only as a launching pad, to learn new experiences, to live a full life. You don’t try to rescript the failure that you went through, but, try to comprehend it and handle it with a strong mind. Always remember that carrying such emotional pain lifelong, will only doom you with more failures. Learn to overcome it and always keep in mind that love and life will not start and end with a single person.

Never Become Dependent on Opinions
Forever remember that it is your life and you have to leave the hurt to move on. You will find a number of advisors surround you  and offer you advises, opinions and asking questions. Learn to listen to them disenchanted, never allow them a chance to probe into your mind and hurt you. Try to remember only those suggestions that can really benefit you. Use the period for right self introspection and never get emotionally blackmailed and become dependent on offered opinions.

Have Support of Friends
Never remain aloof and go on self-exile. It will only complicate the issue and increase your sorrow. Think of a friend on whom you can fall back for support. Choose those friends, who can cheer you up without reminding you on your past. Take pause from your work  and go on a holiday to a crowded place, where you can see a number of people. Take the help of your friends and get assured that you will never be alone. Indulge in new sports with them. Enter into cheerful conversations about your work place, college or even school days but make sure that they don’t talk on your lost love.

Develop Letgo Tendency
Never try to carry your old baggage in real-time. Never clutch to the old insult, anger, loss of mind with you all the time. Learn to separate those emotional triggers from your life with a developed let it go habit. Grow a disenchanted feeling towards your lost love and assure yourself that it can’t hurt you any more.

Don’t Allow Your past to Control Your Future
The first thing you must learn is not to allow your past to have any say in your future life. Most of the time we allow the past bad experience, to have control on our life. Never develop a spontaneous response to carry-over the ugly effects of lost love into your future. Learn to overcome the negative challenges with your proactive attitude and newer mental insight.

Learn to Create a Positive Future
Don’t let the failure make you mentally fragile. Consider it as a challenge thrown at you and never allow the emotions of failure to envelop you. Learn to venture into your future armoured with the experiences learned from your past. Think positive and assure yourself that you can easily create a positive future for yourself. If you cannot then who can do it for you.

Conclusion
Time is the best healer and it applies perfectly to a love failure. But let you not take too much time to come-out of it. Learn as quickly as possible to leave your past once for all behind you. Turn yourself into better aspects of life knowing that there are people around you to love you and to join you in your life.

Try Fulfill the Expectations of Your Partner for the Success of Marriage

Regular viewers of Kalyanamalai SUN TV program, would have observed that nearly 90% of the brides introduced by thiru Kalyanamalai Mohan in the program, prefer a husband who will love her, support her and be with her. Similarly, the grooms always look forward for a bride, who can adjust with his family and do things that are liked by him. These are considered to be their basic expectations. They must certainly be having a number of other expectations. The home making journey of the couple, will begin and continue happily, only, when they make sincere efforts to understand and fulfill the expectations of the other.

Don’t Try to Adjust – Just Accept Your Partner
A marriage bonds the two families, increases the member number and above all, brings in lifelong affinity between two individuals. It converts the hitherto I and me elements, into we and ours, to give them a universal approach . Most of the times, it is the wife who enters into an altogether different lifestyle, always tries to adjust and live with the situation.
Modern day psychiatrists have cautioned that adjusting to the situation, do not yield positive results in the long run. They instead suggest the couple to, accept the other as they are. Either the wife can accept the changes that she has to undergo, without showing any resentment or the husband can accept her as it is without enforcing the changes on her. Such an attempt, though create problems in the beginning, will actually strengthen the companionship between the couple, allows him/her  to get adopted  to others demand naturally to endure the married life.

Don’t Try to Prevail – Just Persuade
Normally, the newly married couple will start facing the problems, soon after the waning of initial love and interest between them. Each of them will try to prevail on the other enforcing his/her ideas calling it as right. When they fail in their attempt, it results in a bitter ego clash and brings in further rifts. Instead, when he/she is sure that the partner is wrong, they should never try to prevail on her/him, instead should  try to persuade without hurting her/his  ego for better results.
Don’t Do Self Promotion – Just Play it Normal
Most of the couples, especially the male, indulge in self promotion during the first few months,  after  the marriage. Such self promotion by him is normally indulged, to boost up his personal reputation in the mind of the new partner. While, such harmless self promotion impresses the partner, any excess of it or its encroaching into the other sensitive areas, will normally backfire. Remember, such self promotion or build up of facts, normally creates a negative impact, in the mind of your partner. If you want to be safe with your partner, just play it right and normal.

Don’t Try to Power Your Way – Just Make Your Approach Passive
Indian society is currently undergoing a transition. It is no more a purely male dominated one. It is expected to become either neutral or women dominated soon. With women getting equal opportunities in education and employment, the mutual approach between the couple also needs a fresh look. Though most of the present day couples have understood the need and get attuned to the change, still some of them live in the past. It is an undeniable fact that a passive approach brings in a friendlier and more conducive atmosphere than a powered talking.

Don’t Make Haste Moves – Just Give Time to Simmer
In India it is a practice for the bride to join and move to her husband’s house after the marriage. While a newly wed groom may find it easy to move with his in-laws and command respect, it is not that easy for a newly wed bride. She will have initial hiccups to get unified with her husbands family. It is essential for the husband to stay with his wife, put her at ease in the initial transition period.
He must develop an ideal relationship, without making haste moves to thrust the changes in her. Instead, he must allow her to retain her originality and get tuned to the changes, where  it is very essential. The effective role played by the husband, in assisting his wife to have a quick rapport with his parents, relatives and others, will increase her belonging feeling. He must never allow the entry of any third person including his parents into the affairs during the simmering period and complicate the issue.

Don’t try to Dominate – Just Learn to Play a Second Fiddle
While, a male physically dominates a family, a female lead it with her special intuition power. She is endowed with multi-tasking capabilities and a sense of security. When a husband understands these special attributes of her and plays a supportive role it helps in the financial growth of the family in the long run.

Don’t promote Diffidence – Just Encourage Confidence
It is quite common among the men, to behave over confidently, to suppress their inferiority complex. Some of them will depict such complex in words when their wife earns more income than they. The wife should learn to approach it with sympathy in order to induce self-confidence in their husband’s mindset.

Don’t Compete – Just be in Equal Standing
It is no more a problem for a present day husband to join his wife in the house chores. It is important for the wife to not to compete with the husband on the sharing of household  work, complicate it into an ego problem. Instead they must make it happen in a normal way on neutral grounds.

Don’t Complicate Your Intimate Times into Complex ones – Just Learn to Live Them with Confidence
It is a fact that most of the married couple is endowed with wrong and incomplete ideas about their very private life. They often find that their theoretical book knowledge has no relevance to their practical living. They must learn to worry only about their personal likings and that of their partner nothing else. They must quickly find a neutral ground uninhibitedly to build up a healthy relationship. Only mutual trust and empathy for the partner will endow them to have an enduring and exciting private life.

Have an Open Mind – Allow Your Young Daughter-in-Law to Settle Down

It is not uncommon to hear the parents remark that their new daughter-in-law has belied all their expectations. They normally claim that her interests in life often clash with theirs and she has no respect for their values or beliefs. They further call and brand her attitude as wrong. But they forget the simple fact that their daughter-in-law is actually endowed with a different attitude and not with a wrong attitude.

Such parents, should first give enough time to their daughter-in-law to settle down in her new life. They must try to discuss the confronting issues with her in a calm way. Instead, most of them often talk and discuss about it openly with everyone, thus causing her heartburn. Their unneeded intervention and open remarks about her attitude, will only create further friction. In some cases, it may flare up into a brawl, thus inviting her parents to join the issue. Then, the issue will center around the pride and emotions amongst them, to create further rifts.

They must first find out, whether her attitude impacts their son. If it impacts him, then he will automatically initiate the needed action for it. The parents should also know that their complaint about their in-law and the demand to change her attitude may backfire on them. In cases, where the husband knows the attitude problem of his wife and want to handle it subtly without exerting pressure on her, may not hesitate to ask his parents to pull out.

Most of the time, her attitude may be the result of her upbringing, influence of her parents and the experiences she underwent. Generally, the present day youngsters quickly get adjusted to each others attitude, after the marriage. Even the initial hiccups are overcome efficiently for a smooth sailing. In most of the cases, what was a major attitude issue for his parents, becomes a trivial and unimportant issue for him and he normally don’t give much credence to it.

An open talk between the couple, often helps her to view the problem from his point of view, to understand it and get adjusted to it. Such an action of the husband, enables her to become more flexible. She has to compromise a little on her perception in tone with the family values. Also, the husband can request his family members to grant his wife time to get tuned to their values to join the family as its valuable member. He can simultaneously explain to his wife the initiatives required from her part.

The parents have a very vital role in helping the couple to get a perfect understanding between them. Instead of harping on the attitude issue, they must allow them enough time to settle down in their life. They must desist offering any suggestions or talk offensively unless asked. They must know that in extreme cases only a professional help will come handy. They must play the role of a stepping stone for the couple to realize their life dreams with proper guidance.

Parents Should Learn to Play a Positive Role in Shaping the Married Life of their Daughter

The last two decades have brought in a series of changes in the mindset of the people, family living, social status, marriage and more. The education and economic conditions have made most of the Indian families to opt for a single child or at the most a two child norm.

Such nuclear families, especially those with a single daughter will always stay very closely knitted. The parents who were able to bear the separation of their daughter on education and employment grounds, finds it more difficult to undergo the permanent separation after the marriage. They suffer the pain of separation and mental distress. To avoid such a separation, some of them even go to the extent to marry their daughter in their own cities or close by places to enable visiting her regularly.

Most of the current day husbands, who also hail from such nuclear single child families understand the plight of their in-laws and let their regular visits to see their daughter. The parents’ visits are tolerated as long as they don’t eat up the privacy between the couple. The problem starts when such parents expect their daughter to reciprocate their visits. Some of the parents while taking advantage of their visits will overzealously try to poke their nose into the family affairs of their daughter. In a nutshell they unintentionally and unknowingly will prevent their daughter from smoothly transitioning into her new role as a wife.

Such parents must understand that their continued dominance will prevent their daughter from starting her own family life with her own set of priorities. They must allow their daughter to spend quality time with her husband and her in-laws. They must guide her to understand the need to develop a good rapport with all the members of her husband’s family. If their daughter is employed, they must teach her how to efficiently manage her family and work with effective apportioning of time. They must appreciate her efforts to have quality weekends with her husband and in-laws instead of missing her absence at their home.

They must play a supportive role with their daughter in her passage from their only daughter to an efficient house wife and in turn a proud mother. They must learn to understand that the separation has created a new bondage and new relationships. They must try to nurture the new relationship and offer a positive role in the family creating efforts of their daughter.

Getti Melam Program – A New Initiative of KM Matrimony

The new Getti Melam program from Kalyanamalai which evoked much interest from the day one of its announcement was held successfully at Vijaya Mahal, Pondy Bazaar, Chennai on 9th and 10th of March. The registration amount for the program was kept as Rs.1001/- to benefit larger chunk of marriage seekers.

In order to help everyone who is on the lookout of a bride or groom and to make sure of larger participation, KM Matrimony used all the vehicles of propaganda such as posters, handbills, newspaper advertisements and FM radio advertisements to announce the details of the program. The program arranged during the weekend from 8.00AM to 8.00 PM for the participants' convenience.

On Saturday the 9th March the program started with a prayer seeking the blessings of god for the success of the program and early marriage benefit to all the participants. A number of families assembled in the hall even before the start of the program. KM Matrimony has made elaborate arrangements at every stage to help quick registration of the details of the participants. The participants expressed surprise and satisfaction when they received the color profiles matching their specifications within 30 minutes.

Though, an amount of Rs.1001/- was fixed as registration fee for the program, to have continual registration and increased level of benefits a number of parents have registered for regular three and six month schemes. Saturday being partial working day for most of the companies a number of registrants came even after 8.00 PM. Such an enthusiasm amply displayed the increased level of patronage and confidence KM Matrimony enjoys among its users. 

The second day (10th) being a Sunday, a large number marriage aspirants gathered at the hall right from the morning. After 11.00 AM a number of them came with their families and children. The fully air-conditioned Vijaya Mahal comforted them from the scorching sun outside. 

Kalyanamalai Mohan, happily moved around the participants, talked with them and comforted them about the immediate prospective marriage with soothing words. Similarly, Mrs.Meera Nagarajan assured the participants about the continued constructive role of KM Matrimony in realizing their marriage dreams.

Thousands of marriage aspirants have participated in the two days Getti Melam program to get the benefit of an early marriage. After serving the last visitor of the day Kalyanamalai Mohan and Meera Nagarajan congratulated the employees of KM Matrimony for their effective participation and had a group photo to honor them. The two-day program came to an end with a happy note.

Understand the Issues Related to Late Re-marriages

Remarriage is no more a taboo. The mindset of the people has distinctly changed about the remarriages. The society is no more averse about it and has started to accept such remarriages as normal and do not make much fuss about them. A remarriage assures the widowed and divorced people, their right to have a lifetime companion.

Even those in their late forties or early fifties, who have become single due to the death of their life partner or divorce, are trying to remarry and lead a normal family life. Every one of them are in the lookout of a compatible life partner, with an adjustable mindset, to make their second round of marriage a success.

It is essential to understand the issues related to second marriages. Unlike a first marriage, the second marriage is little more complicated and need a cautious approach. It is a must to have pre-marital counselling, to discuss all the issues threadbare and arrive at a conclusion to achieve success in the remarriage.

Understanding the real reason

He or she should know and realize the real reason to opt for the remarriage. The couple who intends to join a remarriage should know what they actually look for in their second marriage? They must find out whether the re-marriage decision is taken to have a father or mother or a family for their children, to increase their financial security or just to bring them a mental solace. They must also be aware of the implications of such remarriage over their private life.

Issues Related to Children

Most of the single parents who opt for a late re-marriage will normally have children. It is essential to make the children understand the reason for your opting a second marriage and get their confidence before going ahead with the marriage. The children must be explained and assured on how their interests will be protected, even after the remarriage. Taking children into confidence and getting their consent will greatly assist in the smooth functioning of the second marriage.

While discussing the subject related to children, the issues and details related to handling the affairs of each other’s children, need to be discussed threadbare. The couple must have a clear understanding, whether each one will handle their own children or will have the common right to handle the affairs of the partner’s children. If they agreed to have the right over their partner’s children then they must know the extent of their rights.

Handling other dependents

Another tricky issue in a late remarriage is the handling and managing the elderly dependent parents. A detailed discussion addressing the issues such as continuing their present lifestyle, food habits, compromises if any required to be made by either of the partners. Only a sympathetic approach with an understanding about the problems related to their old age will help in taking a wise decision.

Health and Medical issues

It is crucial for the couple undergoing the remarriage to understand each other’s health related issues and medical attention needed to address them. Such an understanding will help them to be aware of other’s problems, remain prepared and take the required medical insurance or health packages to address the issues.

Savings and Investments

Effective handling of each one’s savings and investment issues help the remarriage in a longer run. If any of the partners is wealthier than the other, then it will increase the chances for the other partner to become greedy. It will always be hard for them to reach an understanding on finance handling at least during the initial stages of remarriage. It is essential for both the partners to follow restraint during the period and reach an amicable agreement. The handling of finance and savings will become more complicated if any of the partners have a number of children than the other or have no children. Preparing a common will is expected to solve most of the problems related distribution of their property among their children.

Conclusion

Most of the issues related to a late remarriage can be addressed by the partners having confidence in each other. It is essential to discuss the details with a competent marriage counselor and thrash out the differences to earn the confidence of their children, parents and other relatives. Such counselling with an an all-inclusive discussion will increase the confidence level among the remarried couple and make their remarriage a success.

The Changing Face of Arranged Marriages in India

As a matrimonial company, KM matrimony, will always advocate for and support arranged marriages. It is a surprising fact that other than India, countries such as Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Nepal, East Asian, Southeast Asian countries, Middle East and Africa, also encourage arranged marriages. Such arranged marriages are also prevalent among the followers of Hasidic Judaism and Unification Church. It is interesting to know that Iran, Japan and some of the South American countries, are also among the list of countries that encourages arranged marriages.

Arranged Marriages

In India, arranged marriages continue to dominate over the love marriages. Unlike a love marriage, where a person chooses his/her the life partner, in an arranged marriage, the parents or family members play a vital role, in choosing one's life partner. More often, it is the parents who select a suitable partner for their son or daughter, after evaluating the family background, education and the outlook of the bride or groom.

Typical Processes in a Current Day Arranged Marriage

It is a proven fact that the success percentage of marriages, between people with similar background is more than those, with dissimilar backgrounds. The parents, who are aware of it, normally give more credence to the mutual compatibility than sex appeal, in their choice for a bride or groom. During the profile matching process, other than the horoscope matching, the details such as family background, education details, hobbies and interest, color, height, weight, property value and earning ability and the food habits are also considered. In some of the cases, even the private detective services are used, to check the background of a bride or groom and their social habits.

Arranged Dating

There is a mistaken belief that all the arranged marriages are forced marriages. But it is not so. Most of the parents, make all the preliminary checks mentioned above, satisfy themselves, before informing their son or daughter their choice. They further use the opportunity, to explain the pros and cons of marrying the chosen bride or groom. The bride and groom are urged to meet and understand each other, before a close relative or alone in a public place. Finally, the parents, give freedom to their children to accept or reject their decision and choice.

Conclusion

The freedom to accept or reject the choice of the parent, with valid reasons, makes the arranged marriages more advantageous. Except those youngsters, with an impulsive attraction towards the superficial and prominent attributes such as, external personality, hobbies and beauty, others continue to emphasize more on the cultural and family background that are time-tested.

Five Basic Ingredients Supporting Success of a Marriage

If you are newly married or about to get married, then, the following is a must for you. Next time, when you get an opportunity to stay with an elderly and successfully married couple, observe them closely. Here, the term successfully refers to the happiness the couple get from each other. You will easily find that they have carefully built the  success of their marriage,  on five important elements known as selflessness, commitment, friendship, laughs and fun in marriage and support at good Times


Selflessness

The meaning of selflessness is very simple. It is just an art of pleasing your spouse and make her/him happy. Spouses, with such determination, will always put in 110% of their efforts, to satisfy their partner. But, such efforts should come from the heart, with a firm commitment to put the happiness of your spouse, before yours. This selflessness, should  come without any preconceived notion or condition and it should come spontaneously, without the need of any extra effort. The selflessness, has always blended with a maturity, to fulfill the comfort of your spouse and magnanimity to eschew, failures from your partner.


Commitment

It is a fact that the term commitment is not fully understood by many from the marital point of view. In simple terms, commitment is a decisiveness of both the spouses, to continue the marriage despite all the odds. Spouses really committed to each other, will have all the three types of commitments such as personal, principled and a structural. One must remember that commitment to spouse, is not a one time affair and it  is a lifetime matter.  The spouses should convey this commitment, through vibrant actions instead of a passive silence.


Friendship in Marriage

Social science researchers have found that nurturing friendship by the spouses makes the marriage a success. The basis of friendship, starts with a thorough understanding of the likes and dislikes of the other. The real friendship in a marriage, appreciates the positive performances of the partner, while evaluating the negative aspects, for positive correction. Such a friendship, allows the spouses to realize, respect and honor the doings of the other. The spouses in friendship, will always  enjoy and relish whatever the little things they do every day, nurture and relish such little acts and will carefully take it to the next level.


Laughs and  Fun in Marriage

Most of the couples, considers marriage as a very serious business and become busy with the errands of marriage.The first victim of such seriousness, is fun and laughs. They get drowned with errands such as working, housekeeping, finance managing and will hardly have time for sleep. The couple becomes more active with the birth of children. The laugh and fun, slowly get disappeared from their marriage relationship, without their real knowledge. The spouses should become aware of this missing element and allocate time for laughs and fun to sustain their marriage.


Support at Good Times

One may find it odd to discover that support at good times, sustains a marriage. Most of us are aware of the support extended by the spouse, at the time of struggle and it comes handy to win over a problem. Support at good times, is altogether a different component. It is the support and participation given by one partner to the success of the other. Such support to the partner, starts with asking questions, clearing doubts about a project or attempt, giving encouragement, complimenting on every success and finally celebrating the success of achievement. The spouses should learn to support and celebrate the success of their partner. While the support at bad times holds the family intact and assists in the growth of family, the support at good times sustains the love between the partners and keeps their marriage intact.