Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Have an Open Mind – Allow Your Young Daughter-in-Law to Settle Down

It is not uncommon to hear the parents remark that their new daughter-in-law has belied all their expectations. They normally claim that her interests in life often clash with theirs and she has no respect for their values or beliefs. They further call and brand her attitude as wrong. But they forget the simple fact that their daughter-in-law is actually endowed with a different attitude and not with a wrong attitude.

Such parents, should first give enough time to their daughter-in-law to settle down in her new life. They must try to discuss the confronting issues with her in a calm way. Instead, most of them often talk and discuss about it openly with everyone, thus causing her heartburn. Their unneeded intervention and open remarks about her attitude, will only create further friction. In some cases, it may flare up into a brawl, thus inviting her parents to join the issue. Then, the issue will center around the pride and emotions amongst them, to create further rifts.

They must first find out, whether her attitude impacts their son. If it impacts him, then he will automatically initiate the needed action for it. The parents should also know that their complaint about their in-law and the demand to change her attitude may backfire on them. In cases, where the husband knows the attitude problem of his wife and want to handle it subtly without exerting pressure on her, may not hesitate to ask his parents to pull out.

Most of the time, her attitude may be the result of her upbringing, influence of her parents and the experiences she underwent. Generally, the present day youngsters quickly get adjusted to each others attitude, after the marriage. Even the initial hiccups are overcome efficiently for a smooth sailing. In most of the cases, what was a major attitude issue for his parents, becomes a trivial and unimportant issue for him and he normally don’t give much credence to it.

An open talk between the couple, often helps her to view the problem from his point of view, to understand it and get adjusted to it. Such an action of the husband, enables her to become more flexible. She has to compromise a little on her perception in tone with the family values. Also, the husband can request his family members to grant his wife time to get tuned to their values to join the family as its valuable member. He can simultaneously explain to his wife the initiatives required from her part.

The parents have a very vital role in helping the couple to get a perfect understanding between them. Instead of harping on the attitude issue, they must allow them enough time to settle down in their life. They must desist offering any suggestions or talk offensively unless asked. They must know that in extreme cases only a professional help will come handy. They must play the role of a stepping stone for the couple to realize their life dreams with proper guidance.