Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Confronting and Coping with a Long Distance Marriage

The improved economic and educational conditions, enable both the spouses of a marriage, to stay employed. Such employment, improves their family financially and benefits them with extra spending power. But, this extra income, comes with accompanying problems such as, work related stress and long distance marriage. While, the couple manages the work related stress, with adjustment between them, the long distance marriage, presents more peculiar problems. It requires, a good amount of understanding between the couple, to manage the induced separation.

Long distance marriage, makes the happily married couple, to live separately at different locations, due to the demands of their employment. Such a living, increases the stress and if it is not managed properly,  will often lead to permanent separation between the couple. Managing a long distance marriage, requires a good amount of pre-planning, quality time with children, effective communication and above all unstinted faiths among the partners.


In order to manage the separation with ease, a good amount of pre-planning is required. While, a short-term separation does not pose much problem, it is the long-term separation that requires meticulous pre-planning. In cases, where one of the spouses employed in an easy to find an employment sector, he/she can resign the current employment to find an employment in the new place.
If the couple has children, then, normally it becomes the mother's responsibility to manage the children, unless, she becomes the one, whose transfer, triggers the long distance marriage. Such a situation, requires a good amount of prep-planning, to manage the affairs of the house and the children without any problem. Taking the help of grandparents or close relatives, if they stay close by, helps to solve the problem. In case, if they live in a far off place, it is advisable to have a readily available help at home or within the quick reach.

Quality time with children

The children will be the most affected by a long distance marriage. The spouse, who is away from the child/children, should spend quality time with the children from the distant place. They must call the children regularly, offer them encouragement and assure them of help, when needed. They must learn to use and teach the children to utilize, communication facilities such as Skype, E-mail and mobile or telephone, for easy reach and to stay in touch with them.

Managing the loneliness

More often, the person separated from the family, suffers the loneliness most. He/She must learn to make best use of the period, by concentrating in their career, learning new things or exploring the locals. If it is a foreign site, the opportunity be best used to learn a language of the country. The time spent on self-cooking, will also prove to be a stress buster, while enabling a healthy living.

Unstinted faith or trust

A long distance marriage is better managed by mutual trust. Though, infidelity is an inherent risk of a long distance marriage, the faith on the spouse should clear one from such thinking. It must be remembered that infidelity can take place, even when the couple live together. Never expect the spouse to explain every minute of his/her time away or remain unreachable. It is essential that instead of the fear of infidelity, the trust on faithfulness, should rule the period of long distance marriage.

Communicate to remain close

Use all the modes of communication, such as, phone, mobile, email to reach and stay in connectivity. Use SMS, to convey instant needs. Make use of Skype or other video conferencing tools, to have a face to face interaction regularly. Exchange information on interesting daily events through mail. Keep your children engaged in regular conversation, without allowing the feeling of separation enveloping them. Never postpone any important issues, to attend on arrival. Always have them solved from remote, by taking the help of your spouse or others.

Overseas location

Managing a long distance marriage from an overseas site, increases the quantum of problems. The time difference, plays a vital role in maintaining the communication, between the separated families, in addition to the increased level of communication costs. Email and use of online video conferencing,  help in narrowing the gap of separation. It is essential for the couple to know the cost of calling a land line, mobile line and an internet call to make best use of them. To reduce anxiety, the couple should keep a track of the weather and the local news, at both the locations. Keeping emergency contact numbers at both the locations, comes handy, during the period of crisis. Planning the vacations with mutual consent benefits the entire family.

Don’t read between the lines

It is important for the couples, not to cultivate the habit of reading between the lines of any communications and develop imaginary assumptions. Always have a positive outlook and faith in your partner. This attitude, strengthens the marriage bondage, during a long distance marriage. Nurture and grow your love for the day of reunification that is expected to take place after some months or years.